I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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