Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
