there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Randomize
