Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
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