just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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