bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
