Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
