i jhust puked up my retainher.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
