Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
