If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
