Pregnant stripper...not hot.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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