Pregnant stripper...not hot.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
