Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
