just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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