what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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