real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
