The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
