He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I forget how to act sober
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize