but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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