they need to just BURY HIM!
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
