there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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