Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
