I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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