you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
