If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize