god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
