make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Randomize
