i just wanna soil my oats bro
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
