were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
