Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
