I want to stick my p in your. b.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I am naked and annoyed.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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