dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Randomize
