The brown eye won't let me do that either.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
