two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
