census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Randomize
