I saw his package. It spoke to me.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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