so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
