after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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