Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
dude i'm inner monologue high
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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