if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
