I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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