Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Randomize
