I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
