i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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