Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
After tacos, we're chasing women.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
