Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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