Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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