roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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