i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
