Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
