According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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