hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
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