I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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