Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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