Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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