ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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