I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
