the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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