p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
