So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
