my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
