Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
