Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
