I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I need to wash the frat house off of me
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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