When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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