i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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