I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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