If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
