I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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