I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize
