the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
