drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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