this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
