YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
