the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
