I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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