My cat gives me a boner
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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