And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
