there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
