i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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