nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
